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FINGERS OF FUN
I am done in, triple
packs are a fact
of Farmfoods.
Chocolate fingers
ripple in waves
BUY ME NOW!
They’re in my bag!
Vibrating, shaking
their crispy wrapping.
OPEN ME NOW!
There’s no escape
the kettle’s on.
I can’t count
the speed, my fingers
reach for another
and suddenly
THERE’S NONE LEFT!
It’s the tea.
If it wasn’t for tea
I’d be thin –
tea needs feeding.
BITTER ABOUT THE LACK OF GLITTER?
It’s hard to imagine those tiny arms we all used to have; that upper section without the swing…and the memory of having long legs in my youth – I think the rest of my body fell, or slid, down and stole almost a foot from my thighs! I find myself ogling ornaments in shop windows – I always wanted to be a fairy. Sharp elbows and knees were once a part of me and would’ve looked fabulous in any enchanted wood, but even little folk must grow.
What happens to fairies when they’re 40? Do they balloon and swell too? Can their wings still carry them or do they have to join Weight-watchers? I mean, they’d have to do something wouldn’t they? A life with redundant wings, however pretty, and the worry of tatters through neglect must be traumatic. If it was me I’d consider amputation – desperate measures but I’d rather be grounded and happy than spend an eternity in the air, flitting between diets. It’s too late for me but you can save yourselves:
increase Serotonin levels in the brain by taking 5-HTP supplements; include more water-rich, low-calorie foods like fruit, vegetables and soup; fidget, a lot to burn calories; exercise an hour after eating, it releases hormones that can suppress appetite; take 30 minutes exercise five times a week; a 20 minute break between 2 x 30 min exercise bouts burns more fat; short bursts of vigorous exercise and short breaks burns off more calories; run at a moderate pace for 5 minutes then speed for 2 min before slowing down again; do a physical activity in a normal routine, like stand on one leg to brush your teeth; the herb Hoodia, dampens appetite.
I’m passing the baton; you all must have handy hints in the closets of your minds – get them off the shelves and take a good look; otherwise that dark corner will leak out, come creeping after you with tentacles of Type2 Diabetes, clogged arteries and stroke you to death. Maybe it’s not too late; we could be softer versions without wings, graceful and secretive, flitting about new routines, exercising our minds and imaginations instead of putting everything off till that tomorrow that might never come. Even I could drag myself into 5 minutes exercise; I haven’t yet but I might.
TOTAL BODY TONER
‘Lose weight and look great in 28 days!’ says my new video; I found it prowling in the pound shop – three for a pound, so it was a must buy, and will star amongst the several that have fallen into my lap recently…through no fault of my own. I haven’t played any of them yet. I tell myself that I’m waiting for space in my new flat – can you really see me pounding the ceiling over my new neighbours? But, there doesn’t seem to be any bouncing involved here; this latest is called, Yogalates and the last one I bought is also Yoga – I think I might be able to manage that kind of stuff if I get into a nice kindof musical routine. I never listen to music these days and I do love it, but I’m not going to take any notice of the 28 day thing – I’ll just try and do my thing and see what happens, if anything.
ENTER A LITTLE VEG
Today there was broccoli, real green stuff, with chicken and instant mash. And later there was home-made soup, again with the vegetables BUT there was also cake and custard, and the day began with sausages followed by marshmallows. But there was still broccoli!
WHEN WILL I LEARN?
Same old – same old; there has been no change in this patient – get the surgeon and chop off her stupid head.
Last night was awful because I woke up after only 90 mins sleep, with an attack of the dreaded acid reflux. It took another 90 mins and a pint of water for it to go, and then I gingerly attempted sleep in a sitting-up position. Of course 90 mins later I woke up to go to the toilet because of all the water I’d drunk! I still feel the residue of the acid. I pray that this is the final lesson and that I will get my will under my own control; this was because I had chocolate after work at 1.30 am. So SLAP-MY-FACE and keep the memory of last night in the immediate forefront of my mind.
